“I’ll never be able to do THAT…”, “forget it, it’s too hard…” “I’m not good at…”
Many of us engage in some negative self talk or have an inner critic that rears it’s ugly little head from time to time. And although it’s a common human trait, if you run a business or work for yourself, you’ve got to be especially mindful not to let your inner critic or “gremlin” have too much influence, because it can undermine your ability to run your business successfully, achieve your goals and perhaps even more importantly, lead a happy, fulfilling life.
Now don’t get me wrong, some self-reflection can certainly be useful, but there’s a huge difference between motivating yourself to do better by admitting that you need to improve something, (like to stay more focused, or get to work earlier, or be more organized) versus berating yourself or telling yourself things like “I’m a failure.”
Signs or symptoms that you’re undermining yourself include procrastinating, lacking motivation, feeling “frozen”, starting projects but not completing them, excessive worrying, doubting yourself (even when you clearly have the skills or abilities to do something) and allowing your own insecurities to undermine relationships in your business and or personal life.
If your “gremlin” has been making a frequent appearance, you might want to consider taking some proactive steps to avoid falling into a downward spiral of negative thinking. Here are some things that can help:
-Get clear on exactly how, where and when you’re undermining yourself or falling into negative self talk.
-Heighten awareness of what you’re doing and stem the tide: When you start hearing that inner critic, stop for a moment and write down the things you’re telling yourself, even if they sound a bit foolish.
-Read what you’ve written and ask yourself: Are these things really true? This simple exercise can help put things into perspective and peel away some of the negativity.
-Don’t force yourself to “think positive”. That rarely works. Instead, consider how realistic the things you’re telling yourself really are and try to separate facts from emotions. Even if there is some truth to what you’ve told yourself, it’s rarely as bad as your gremlin has put it. Psychologist Tamar E. Chansky, PhD, author of Freeing Yourself From Anxiety suggests you use “possible thinking” which involves substituting overly critical thoughts with neutral thoughts and facts. ie: if you’ve told yourself “I was a really mean to her” replace that with “Next time I’ll be more tactful, I know how to do this”
-Persevere, but do so differently: Consider all options. Even if you really can’t accomplish something in exactly the way you originally wanted to, develop another plan of attack. Then break down your plan into the smallest possible steps or pieces and take them one at a time, acknowledging each bit of progress along the way.
If you run a small business or work for yourself and would like to learn more about turning “I can’t” into “I CAN”, click here to schedule a time to speak with me.
Til the next time…
Susan Martin
